How a Porn Addiction Nearly Destroyed My Health

I never thought I’d be here.

Sweet girl, pastor’s daughter, homeschooled until age 17, in the church worship band, led a small group, the list could go on forever. That girl was “perfect.” Perfect enough to hide a porn addiction like a pro.

It started innocently. As a young teen, hearing words I had never heard, I was curious. That curiosity drove me to Google. Google. Ole’ faithful Google… that is until it nearly destroyed my health…

The Cycle of Porn Addiction

At 10 pm, the lights always went off in the house. It was the perfect time.

10:01 pm I would climb out of bed, grab my laptop computer, and sneak back under the covers. Opening up that bright screen almost every night, I jumped into a world darker than I could even fathom.

At first, it started with “simple” pictures. Pictures that I knew were wrong, but were so enticing. Somehow, pictures turned into videos turned into watching people have sex.

How on earth did I get here?

Why did watching people take their clothes off have such an irresistible pull? And, why couldn’t I stop? Almost as though I wanted to be them. Not because of their actions, but their bodies. Flawless. You will never see an overweight porn star. Nor will you see an overweight Victoria’s Secret model or Go Daddy commercial model. They are all flawless beings: perfectly toned bodies, airbrushed skin, filled out in all the right places, with muscles to complement. Who wouldn’t want to look like that?

Honestly, during that time, I could feel my mind slowly fading.

  • My self confidence was gone.
  • My sense of body image destroyed.
  • Began to see myself as ugly and fat.
  • I couldn’t control my brain, hated myself, and hated others. I was borderline depressed, on edge, and extremely jumpy at the thought of being caught.

The drug was working, at its fullest capacity.

By literally Jesus alone, I got out of the porn addiction that could’ve destroyed my life and my future marriage. Nevertheless, I am now seeing years down the road the effects that my porn addiction had on my health journey.

Years into Recovery from Porn Addiction

Here we are now. Years later, long removed from that vicious grip of the most addictive drug, I am sharing about how the porn industry and addiction nearly destroyed my health and how it may be attacking yours.

First off, let’s get something straight. Porn is NOT A MAN’S ISSUE. If I hear one more pastor talk to men about porn and leave out the women, I think I may just fall over and die. Let’s not alienate HALF of the industry’s users please. Let’s get things right. Porn is affecting so many people.

Watch out

Because that porn that you look at behind closed doors, when you think no one is watching, is destroying you AND your loved ones AND your perception AND society’s perception of image and beauty.

Whether you’re a male or female, this is destroying your health and fitness and most likely, your love life. Fight the New Drug, an organization that fights the porn industry did a study on whether male porn usage could be a catalyst in fueling eating disorders. Results were staggering in showing that thinness pressure in relationships may have a direct correlation to pornography.

In this case, I’m sharing MY story and MY experience with the porn industry. However, this is applicable to both male and female usage. Porn has screwed up society’s perception of beauty.

Not just Internet Porn

If you’ve never viewed porn in your life, don’t stop reading. Because unless you’ve never seen a Victoria’s Secret commercial or a People magazine in the grocery store line, you’re a victim of this mark on our society. And if you’ve never seen magazines in a grocery line, I’m concerned by how often you get out of the house and would love to grab coffee with you to see the world.

How Did it Affect My Health

I believe porn is a silent killer of health, love, and life. Here’s why:

  • As soon as I was out of porn, I grew an unhealthy obsession to “fitness.”
  • That obsession with the “thin, fitness” bodies our society promotes spiraled me into eating disorders.
  • The images plastered on the billboards, the internet sites, and the scars from porn made me hate my body, and in turn, hate myself
  • My mind was screwed up, beyond words. Had I been in a relationship at the time, it would’ve died.

For years, my warped mind struggled to be free and healthy again. Desperately trying to accept that I am not a number on a scale, a clothing size, or a 6-pack abs model.

What Was the Catalyst to Restoring Health

I tried to fight it on my own. I couldn’t. Tried to think straight again on my own. Impossible. Hoped that one day the obsession would go away. It didn’t.

John 8:36
My constant reminder that my mental health has been restored and am no longer a slave.

Jesus. There couldn’t possibly be another answer. Although restoration of health is still in the works, from the place I was to where I am now is astounding.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed”- John 8:36

There’s no short, easy fix to restoring your health when the mantra society speaks has affected you on a deep level.

Whether you personally are the porn user or you are just the victim of magazines, social media, and commercials, the industry has taken a root in our hearts at some level. Don’t let society rule you and tell you how to think and how you should look and how your significant other should act towards you.

Fight the New Drug! Walk it out, seek freedom, claim victory. Don’t let yourself be defined. As always, contact me, and I would love to talk more about this with you! Subscribe to be apart of the family and this movement!

As always. In mind, body, and spirit. Stay Anchored.

 

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